Lot 08:
All The Dolphins In The UK
Estimate: £8,000,000
Lot 08, ladies and gentlemen, is ownership of all dolphins in UK waters. Did you know that the crown has had ownership on all the UK’s dolphins since 1324? Well, having spent the last 696 years looking for them, her majesty is now said to open to the idea of selling on this ownership as part of a wider initiative to slim down the role of the monarchy. This ownership of dolphins also extends to any whales or sturgeons that are caught within three miles of the British coast. A fishermen who wants to keep the catch must first offer it to the Queen as a gesture of loyalty. Not just ceremonially, they literally have to call Buckingham Palace and ask - there’s even a palace official in charge of these conversations called the ‘Receiver of Wreck’. Possibly the greatest job title ever? But god help us if this is what taxpayer’s money is being spent on…